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October 3, 2017

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All You Want, No One to Lead

An excerpt of my book, All You Want 


I remember telling my younger sibling, on one specific occasion while my mother was sobbing, that our mom was crazy. I never saw my mom as “Mom”; to me, she was just a regular person.



We lived below the poverty line and had very little; we had just enough to get by and survive.



My first experience with love and/or affection, as far as I can remember, was with a young white woman whom I had a crush on. She would often make brownies for my brother and I and invite us to her home to eat them.



My second experience was with my first school teacher who used to come to my house to visit. I remember that she’d often hug me and treat me with much love and affection. I cannot remember my mother ever doing this; she rarely showed us love and affection.

To me, ‘Life’ as a kid was not a pleasant experience. While most kids had experiences of their fathers taking them out and buying them toys, gifts and fancy treats, my memories consisted of Uncles being drunk and fighting; while my peers had their mothers showering them with love and affection, providing for their everyday needs, my mother didn’t provide for my emotional needs. She was always busy and didn’t have time for my siblings and I. To me, it seemed that she couldn’t care less about our development, obviously thinking that her duty as a mother ended at providing us with a daily meal.




The fact that my first experience with love was at the hands of a stranger was pitiful and not what it was supposed to be at all. The family is the smallest unit of the community and that bond of love and affection; it is where a child is supposed to first learn- and experience these values.




I want you to see how deprived of love and affection; that I have never experienced the love of a father, nor the love of a mother. Somewhere, somehow, a void was left in me; a lack of things that are taken for granted by most; a lack of parental presence and guidance while growing up; that love and nurturing that parents should provide to their children from Day 1 of their existence.




I was deprived of all these, and my reason for saying this is that I want you to take a lesson from this, my experience; that no matter what kind of childhood you had, no matter how negative the beginning of our life was, no matter how messed up or perfect it was, it does not matter. It does not disqualify you from getting all that you desire from God, and more.

God does not discriminate, nor does He snub; in fact, He does the exact opposite of that: He embraces.




I want you to know, that no matter what kind of childhood you had, Gof is still ready to listen to you and give you your heart’s desires and wishes. All that you want... 

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